I've been tagged ...

I've been tagged ...

no, not skin tagged. I know, I know ... you must be truly disappointed that I won't be talking about moles. Nevertheless, I'll do my best to entertain you and tell you just what my days are all about.

6:55 AM - roll self out of bed, curse at the alarm clock, hit big toe repeatedly on the computer desk upon passing it, continue cursing use "facilities", shower.
Put war paint, err makeup, on.
Maintain and gel my Jheri curl.
Select favorite knee length blazer with shoulder pads, stirrup pants, leg warmers, and Chuck Taylor Converse shoes in matching color.
Now that I'm looking hot to trot, leave for work.

8:00 - Pop a handful of sedatives to get through the day.
I generally come in at least fifteen minutes late ... I use the side door - that way Lumbergh can't see me, heh heh. And, uh, after that I just sorta space out for about an hour.
Yeah, I just stare at my desk, but it looks like I'm working. I do that for probably another hour after lunch, too. I'd say in a given week I probably only do about fifteen minutes of real, actual work.
Air guitar under desk to favorite song on radio.

12:00 PM - Complain about the poo stain who parked too close and crooked next to me. Contemplate keying their car. Realize to have a conscious. Enter through passenger side.

1:00 PM - Pop handful of sedatives and try to think on the bright side: Only 4 hours left!!!
Put on Nelson's hit Cant Live Without Your Love And Affection while pumping fists in the air wondering why life has to be so complicated.

2:00 PM - Explain to boss, repeatedly, why he's a moron.
End up crying.
Tell myself to quit.
Fax resume to another job.
Get over it.
Talk to client on phone.
Check on Jheri curl.

3:00 PM - Stare at clock.

4:00 PM - Get inspiration through a series of Journey's greatest hits. Look busy by holding calendar and ink pen. Jot down big words if boss arrives. Pretend to count days on the calendar, as if planning something important.

5:00 PM - Wait until boss goes to restroom and haul butt out of there. I've got to make it back for reruns of Golden Girls and Who's The Boss!

6:00 PM - Walk dog while talking to very important people. Anyone who calls me is very important. I'm important ... I have many leather bound books.

7:00 PM - Do crafts. Remember, I have an extensive collection of nametags and hairnets.

8:00 PM - Successfully pass off La Madeline's rotisserie chicken as my own creation.
Add instant potatoes and burnt piece of garlic bread to meal to make it look "authentic."

9:00 PM - Shrink clothes in the laundry.

10:00 PM - Is it bedtime yet!?