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We're not having kids now (!!!) ... this is just a debate I'm having.
Someone made the comment about someone else that "if you have to put your kid in daycare, you shouldn't have kids."
This got me to thinking, because I'm a realist - I know that when my time comes to have a child I can almost guarantee (unless we win the lottery or a family member moves closer) daycare will be my only option. Realistically speaking, it's almost a given that neither Matt nor I will ever have six-figure jobs that will allow either of us to stay at home.
So the question is: if two people truly want a child, but neither can afford to be stay-at-home parents but CAN afford daycare, are they unfit to be parents?
I think the objection from stay-at-home advocates is that if your child is with someone else (nanny, church daycare, regular daycare, etc) during the day, they are instilling THEIR values into YOUR child. While I see that side of the issue, I dare say that I've met many people who have gone to daycare at some point of their life, and they turned out just fine.
The arguement is that there will always be people who just can't afford to be a stay-at-home parent. There's no debate that one income provides better than two. Now, would I love to be a stay-at-home parent? Of course! But I feel I can provide more to a child by supplying a second income.
What it all boils down to, in my eyes, is how well I can raise a child and instill my love, teachings, and values in them regardless of whether I'm home or at work. I might not be able to spend every moment during the day with a child, but am I truly hindering their upbringing by sending them to daycare or allowing someone else to watch them for a portion of the day?
Love is all that matters, and sending a child to daycare doesn't mean you don't love them.
Thoughts?
EDIT:
Don't forget that daycares/church groups, etc. are great ways in which children can learn social skills and make friends. And as for the arguement that only stay-at-home-children get values instilled by their parents, have we forgotten that children will be in school, taught by teachers, for at least 13 years of their life? It's the parent's job to teach right from wrong, no matter where your child is during the day. ???
2 comments:
I don't know who I am about to offend, but here goes...the comment that the person made about people who can't afford to stay at home with their kids shouldn't be parents is completely ignorant.
First of all, I AM blessed, and I mean BLESSED to be able to stay at home. We have worked hard, made some big sacrifices (and still do), prayed, and have thanked God constantly about being in this position. When we got married, we realized that this was a huge priority for both of us, and we have taken prayerful steps to get here. That being said, it isn't for everyone. I know several people that adore their kids and love them with all of their hearts, are amazing parents, make plenty of money, but they just have no desire to be stay at home parents ( I have to be PC for all the stay at home daddies!). Staying at home is a blessing and I wouldn't want anything different, but it is freakin' hard work. Trust me, I don't sit on the couch eating bon bons and watching soaps. I won't bore you with details, but from 7:00 in the morning until about 10:00 at night, I am going non-stop!
Some people just aren't made for it, but that doesn't make them bad parents. I think bad parents are those that do things that they feel are PC, or are the mainstream, at the sake of their children. Good parents recognize that it either is or isn't for them and takes steps to put the kids where they are going to be cared for and benefitted the most. It is much better to have the kids in a good day care where they are being cared for and loved on all day than stuck at home with a mom or dad that is completely frustrated and lacks the patience and desire to be there. I know several people that love and adore their kids and are phenomenal parents, but they have no desire to be at home with them 24 hours a day. That doesn't make them bad parents. The best thing that they can do is work, and then come home and pour themselves into their kids. It is all about quality time, not quantity of time.
As far as the questions posed, "Are they damaged by daycare", it depends. A bad day care can damage a child, just like a bad parent, or a parent in a bad situation can damage a child. This is where the parents need to make informed decisions and be very involved in the daycare. Be a pain in the butt. Ask a million questions, seek opinions and references, pop in unannounced, offer to help as you can. BE INVOLVED! Then, when they come home, spend quality time with them. Not in front of the T.V., but really be involved with them. Pour into them. That is what it is about.
I will say, the only way that you will know, without reservation, that your children are being cared for as you see fit, is to stay at home. That is just a fact. There is noone that will love your kids like you do. That being said, if it is truly your hearts desire to be a stay-at-home mom, pray about it fervently. I believe that God hears the desires of your heart. He puts them there! You don't have to make a six-figure salary to be able to stay at home. There are many parents who have made it work by sacrificing, praying, saving and budgeting to make it happen. I believe that most people can have the "luxury" of staying at home, if you do it according to God's will and timing.
Some big questions that aren't really suited for a blog comment response, but I think it's all personal. I think parents who stay with kids is the best choice, but I definitely don't think it's the only choice, and that if you put your kids in daycare, that your'e a bad parent. There are great daycares and yeah, if you're not a great stay at home parent, maybe that is the best choice. I also agree prayer (if you're inclined) is a sure way to go. It's YOUR family, so who can tell you what to do. I also agree that there are lots of families who live on one income and are just fine, they just don't have all the finer things of life, but they're happy. I think at least the first 3 years are the most important, so whatever you do, try your best to make sure they get the good stuff.
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