Welcome back, me!

How can you not love Tiny Tim ...

Knock, Knock ...

Possibly the greatest Knock Knock joke ever ...

Vintage Weight Watchers. Truly a classic.

So a friend forwarded me these lovely vintage recipe cards circa 1974 for Weight Watchers.
It seems these diets have come a long way.
I think, after looking at these meals, I've lost my appetite. Now that's a diet!!!
Here are a few of my faves ...


I don't think you're ready for this jelly.
I don't think you'll ever be. None of us will.




Chicken Liver Bake: enjoy it with the ashes of a loved one.
Or maybe what's left of the chickens are in that urn. Maybe the chickens were your loved ones.
But chickens never love back enough. And that's why you have to KILL them. And eat their livers ritualistically. And then they're a part of you forever. Forever!




I don't think this one even necessitates a comment.




Once upon a time the world was young and the words "mackerel" and "pudding" existed far, far away from one another.
One day, that all changed. And then, whoever was responsible somehow thought the word fluffy would help.
Oh, and eggs, too.




I have no idea what "shashlik" is. All I know about this dish is that it's meat ... or at least I think, you know, since it's on a kebab. And that the meat's, uh... caucasian???
You racist.




Sometimes mere adjectives for 'mackerel' are not enough.
Sometimes mackerel is mackerel unto itself. Sometimes you just have to let go. Mackerelease yourself.
Embrace mackereality.

Just some new stuff ....

Look what I got in my email! YES!!!

Apparently I'm on the Geriatrics Anonymous mailing list.
Hoveround ... The Scooter Store ... Depends ...
I'm on them all!

It's my birthday and I'll cry if I want to!

So it's my BIRTHDAY!! I'm, like, 5 1/2 hands now! Yes, 27. Actually, according to Quinlan standards I should have had about 3 kids already but I guess I'm not that cool.

So a lot has happened since I last blogged. No, I'm not going to go onto gory details because, frankly, I'm not that exciting.
Christmas week was a blast. Fun times were had by all.
As soon as I can sit down and pull the images off my phone from our weekend trip to Fredericksburg I'll post them.

I got a flippin' sweet phone for Christmas, bath stuff, a PSP, Jim Shore collectables, Christmas decor, an adorable treat jar for Audrey, hand carved wood candle holders a handbag and so much more fun stuff!!!

Check out my phone ... I'm hands-free!

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas!

Look what the Christmas fairies rounded up!

Nom nom nom ....

I went out on a limb a few days ago and bought Omaha steaks, aka The Expensive Stuff. I couldn't resist the tender steaky goodness so I caved.
And last night I think I made the most delicious meal to date.
It's all about the meat.
Really.

Beef Stroganoff Extraordinaire:

Boil package of egg noodles 10 - 12 minutes.

In pan add top sirloin or your choice of a tender cut of meat, cubed.
Cook to desired "doneness."
Drain just a bit of the juice.

Add cooked noodles to the pan and mix together with a can of cream of mushroom soup and small container of sour cream.

DELISH.

John McCain: Courageous Service.

This video is truly amazing ...

Funny dieters ...

So I had to take a minute to rant about "bad dieters" ... you know the types. They're the ones who always claim they are dieting, but you often wonder where and when this is taking place.
We all know someone like this.
They can't manage to eat the cheeseburger on the menu, but they order chocolate cake after their bowl of soup, chicken salad, loaf of garlic bread and butter.

Here's a good one. I knew a lady on the Slim Fast diet.
After a McDonalds McGriddle and hashbrowns she'd gulp down a Slim Fast shake, and a diet coke..

Mmmkay.

By the time lunch rolls around she'd already "snaked" on popcorn and crackers with canned cheese. No seriously. And who in the world actually buys canned cheese because it's good?!
That's neither here nor there ...
Add a Diet Coke it the mix.

So lunch consists of nachos or a burger, bag of chips, two diet cokes, and a Slim Fast bar. Hey now ... they're Slim Fast bars. They have to be working. Nevermind the eight thousand calories already devoured since the morning time.

Of course expect a little hunger by 2:30 or 3:00. Naturally another Slim Fast bar and/or shake could do the trick ... along with a "specially portioned bag" or Loorna Doone cookies.

Who knows what's left for dinner.

I don't get it.
Do people really think eating or drinking the Slim Fasts are going to somehow magically void the rest of the crap that they've eaten throughout the day?
And I guess were calling Diet Coke an actual diet booster drink. Apparently.

If people are that naive I'm going to have to start earning some money of my own.
I am now putting my Dyson to good use. Please, tell all your friends, I'm now offering instant weightloss through Dysosuction.

I've been tagged ...

I've been tagged ...

no, not skin tagged. I know, I know ... you must be truly disappointed that I won't be talking about moles. Nevertheless, I'll do my best to entertain you and tell you just what my days are all about.

6:55 AM - roll self out of bed, curse at the alarm clock, hit big toe repeatedly on the computer desk upon passing it, continue cursing use "facilities", shower.
Put war paint, err makeup, on.
Maintain and gel my Jheri curl.
Select favorite knee length blazer with shoulder pads, stirrup pants, leg warmers, and Chuck Taylor Converse shoes in matching color.
Now that I'm looking hot to trot, leave for work.

8:00 - Pop a handful of sedatives to get through the day.
I generally come in at least fifteen minutes late ... I use the side door - that way Lumbergh can't see me, heh heh. And, uh, after that I just sorta space out for about an hour.
Yeah, I just stare at my desk, but it looks like I'm working. I do that for probably another hour after lunch, too. I'd say in a given week I probably only do about fifteen minutes of real, actual work.
Air guitar under desk to favorite song on radio.

12:00 PM - Complain about the poo stain who parked too close and crooked next to me. Contemplate keying their car. Realize to have a conscious. Enter through passenger side.

1:00 PM - Pop handful of sedatives and try to think on the bright side: Only 4 hours left!!!
Put on Nelson's hit Cant Live Without Your Love And Affection while pumping fists in the air wondering why life has to be so complicated.

2:00 PM - Explain to boss, repeatedly, why he's a moron.
End up crying.
Tell myself to quit.
Fax resume to another job.
Get over it.
Talk to client on phone.
Check on Jheri curl.

3:00 PM - Stare at clock.

4:00 PM - Get inspiration through a series of Journey's greatest hits. Look busy by holding calendar and ink pen. Jot down big words if boss arrives. Pretend to count days on the calendar, as if planning something important.

5:00 PM - Wait until boss goes to restroom and haul butt out of there. I've got to make it back for reruns of Golden Girls and Who's The Boss!

6:00 PM - Walk dog while talking to very important people. Anyone who calls me is very important. I'm important ... I have many leather bound books.

7:00 PM - Do crafts. Remember, I have an extensive collection of nametags and hairnets.

8:00 PM - Successfully pass off La Madeline's rotisserie chicken as my own creation.
Add instant potatoes and burnt piece of garlic bread to meal to make it look "authentic."

9:00 PM - Shrink clothes in the laundry.

10:00 PM - Is it bedtime yet!?

This kinda hurts my eyes ...

So in my attempt to locate Christmas tree designs I found this ...
Decorate your Events.
After careful examination, I discovered that there was, in fact, an actual Christmas tree underneath the explosion of way-too-much-crap on it.
Keep in mind, these people are professional ... I mean, they get paid to do that.


And furthermore, I'm not sure how I feel about this. "Apparently" these dolls intended on being part of the actual decorating process, but it ended painfully when they each internally combusted and all that remained of their legs were horrid colored dangles. What a shame ...

Why he's voting McCain/Palin ...

This guy is ama-za-zing. Around the 7:30 mark he gets even better.

Political Ramblings ...

Barack Obama claims to be the candidate of change, yet he has flip flopped on so many important issues.

Obama's Top 10 Flip Flops:

Obama's Gun Flip Flops - Obama says he's been "consistent" in opposing the D.C. handgun ban. But in the past he agreed that he supported the ban.

Obama's Oil Spill - Obama says he doesn't take money from oil companies. We say that's a little too slick.

Obama's Inflated Health "Savings" - He claims that a shift to electronic medical records will help save families up to $2,500 a year in his first term. Independent experts say that's wishful thinking.

Obama's Lame Claim About McCain's Money - Obama says McCain is "fueled" by money from lobbyists and PACs, but those sources account for less than 1.7 percent of McCain's money.

Obama's Real Record: Public Housing -Obama rich friends hurts communities proof that Obama's Hope and Change rhetoric is all symbolism and no substance?

Look no farther than this devastating Boston Globe investigation:

Obama's Top Ten Flip Flops

1. SPECIAL INTERESTS. In January, the Obama campaign described union contributions to the campaigns of Clinton and John Edwards as "special interest" money. Obama changed his tune as he began gathering his own union endorsements. He now refers respectfully to unions as the representatives of "working people" and says he is "thrilled" by their support.

2. THE CUBA EMBARGO. In January 2004, Obama said it was time "to end the embargo with Cuba" because it had "utterly failed in the effort to overthrow Castro." Speaking to a Cuban American audience in Miami in August 2007, he said he would not "take off the embargo" as president because it is "an important inducement for change."

3. ILLEGAL IMMIGRATION. In a March 2004 questionnaire, Obama was asked if the government should "crack down on businesses that hire illegal immigrants." He replied "Oppose." In a Jan. 31, 2008, televised debate, he said that "we do have to crack down on those employers that are taking advantage of the situation."

4. DECRIMINALIZATION OF MARAJUANA. While running for the U.S. Senate in January 2004, Obama told Illinois college students that he supported eliminating criminal penalties for marijuana use. In the Oct. 30, 2007, presidential debate, he joined other Democratic candidates in opposing the decriminalization of marijuana.

5. NAFTA. During the primary season, Obama hammered Hillary Clinton for her support of NAFTA as First Lady, calling the free trade agreement "devastating" and "a big mistake." Now, in an interview with Fortune to be featured in the magazine's upcoming issue, the presumptive Democratic nominee said that NAFTA has indeed been positive for the US in some ways, and that his earlier criticism - while trying to convince white blue collar voters in some states to vote for him - was 'overheated and amplified.'

6. THE DEATH PENALTY. Ten years ago, when Obama was running for statewide office in an ultra-liberal Chicago district, he opposed the death penalty. As Obama announced this week, he now supports the ultimate penalty.

7. HANDGUN BAN. For 8 years--before becoming a US Senator--Obama sat on the board of a non-profit which contributed $2.7 million to efforts advocating for a complete ban on handguns. (Before that, Obama filled out a questionnaire in 1996 stating that he supported a ban on the manufacture, sale AND POSSESSION of handguns.) But starting with his primary campaign in the gun popular Midwest, Obama now opposes such legislation, and claims to support gun owner's rights.

8. PROPOSED FISA LAW IMMUNITY FOR TELECOMS. In October, 2007, Obama pledged that if the FISA bill contained an immunity provision for telecoms, he would not only oppose the bill, he would help block it through a filibuster. This week, he voted for the bill, telecom immunity provisions and all.

9. PUBLIC FINANCING FOR OBAMA'S GENERAL ELECTION CAMPAIGN. In November, 2007, Obama issued a written pledge to opt into the public campaign finance system for the general presidential election, if the Republican nominee also did so. John McCain immediately accepted the pledge, which acceptance Obama acknowledged in writing in November 2007. After he became the Republican nominee, McCain opted into the public finance system (as he pledged to do), but Obama broke his pledge and opted out.

10. THE WAR IN IRAQ. In 2004--when Obama was running for the United States Senate-- Barack Obama not only said that he was open to a U.S. troop increase in Iraq, but warned against a premature troop withdrawal as a "slap in the face to the troops fighting there" which could make Iraq "an extraordinary hotbed of terrorist activity." Fast forward to Obama's presidential campaign premised in large part on an immediate withdrawal from Iraq.

These 10 examples evince 180 degree changes by the Senator from Chicago on fundamental issues going to the core of Obama as a candidate, and provide important indications of whether the "change" candidate will do what he promises to do in the campaign to court our votes.

Legitimate questions are also raised as to whether Obama is accurately portraying himself during the election process, or is he simply feinting to the middle like the good basketball player he is? How many more Obama flip-flops can we expect before November 2008, and to what extent can the "change" candidate continue to portray himself a different kind of politician who rejects "politics as usual"?

Also another note. While he has flip flopped on many issues Barack Obama has had to backtrack on foreign policy issues, just recently on Jerusalem. He tried to outdo John McCain at AIPAC by insisting that Jerusalem remain the undivided capital of Israel. The Palestinians erupted in anger at that statement, and by the end of the day they had Obama backpedaling...



Now, let's discuss last night's "Veepee" debate.
Sarah Palin brought it ... and she brought it with dignity.
Palin is, for some, a hard pill to swallow. Many argue her position on pro-life, the institution of marriage, or her insistance on drilling for oil in Alaska's north slopes. I, however, admire her positions on most of these issues, but there will always be opposition.

When November 4th comes around I'm going to look at it this way:
Who has my best interest at heart?
Who has stood firmly on issues, and who has flip-flopped to get the popular vote?
Am I voting for a popularity contest, or for a Presidential campaign?
And last, but not least, do I want the next President to have the expertise and experience to do the job, or do I want to sit around while he gets his on-the-job-training?

I leave you with a few clips I admire:


[Obama/Biden ... I was for it, before I was against it.]


[Funny ... didn't Obama previously strive to support the gay community?]

A few of my faves ...

I'm a home decor guru.
Wait ... I take that back. I'm an apartment decor guru. The fact of the matter is that I have the design habits of a homeowner. I see something, I get it.
You don't really need a place to put everything ... right?

In any case, I've put together a slideshow of my absolute favorite design style: Old World. It's a little Old World with Tuscan influences, minus the wine and carbs.

I like to imagine, just for a moment, that I have a disgusting amount of money and I have to spend it or it will disappear. POOF! So, these are the kinds of things I'd buy and they kinds of things I hope I can one day incorporate into my future home. [I'm apparently going for the "mansion" look].

... That bathroom! *drools* It's heaven.

WICKED

Fall is here! Fall is here!
And that means pumpkins, sweet treats, and costumes!
In the spirit of Fall, I give you ...
WICKED.

[Jenn and Mom ... yet another reason to go to Chicago next year!]


Popular




Defying Gravity - My favorite.

In honor of the debates ...

I really enjoyed the debates in Mississippi this evening. It didn't take much to confirm what I already thought, and that is that John McCain is, in my opinion, the right choice for America.

I admire his character, his dignity, and his ideals.

COUNTRY FIRST.

All about me ... but not really.

What are you doing tonight?
After my back-to-back rerun episodes of 90210 I plan on doing all sorts of fun things like cook, walk the dog, and dust. Please, try to contain your jealousness.

What is your current mood?
Hold on … let me check my mood ring.
Okay, it says I’m loquacious.

What side of the bed do you sleep on?
I always wake up on the WRONG SIDE!

Credit cards or cash?
I’ll take whichever you’re offering.

Do you drink the milk from the bowl after you eat all the cereal?
I don’t eat “the cereal”.

Who is your favorite football team?
Whichever one is NOT playing.
You know who doesn't liek football? This girl. [points to self, in case that wasn't obvious]

Have you ever lost a friend?
Yea, but I found her in the shoe section. She moves swift like a ninja!

Ever go camping?
Sentence fragment?

Do you like birds?
I like beans.

Do you have any tattoo/piercings?
No, but I’m planning on tattooing “Xavier Roberts” on my cheeks.

Has anyone ever told you you have pretty eyes?
I apparently have “bedroom eyes,” which makes me feel a bit oogie.

Does anyone call you baby?
I’m not a toddler. Or gay. So no.

Do you have a good memory?
All my past memories involve food. Food is good.

How many red lights have you ran?
I’m not sure that’s correct English. I plead the fifth.

Last thing you questioned yourself on?
I constantly question myself. Myself is interesting.

Bars or clubs?
Go Cubs!

How many kids would you like to have?
Uno.

Are you available?
I am available for birthday parties and bar mitzvahs.

Do your parents have myspace accounts?
Oh, that’s funny …
You know my parents, right? ... Right?

If you saw someone broken down on the side of the road, would you stop to help?
Dude … I’ve seen too many movies to do that …

What’s one food you could eat everyday for the rest of your life?
Chocolate is a food …

How many cousins do you have?
Two. We’re a ‘tiny tiny’ family.

You're in line at Taco Bell, what’s your order?
Does it really matter? You’re going to get the muddy butts either way.

I want a Ninja Cat ...

Watch to the end ... it's adorable!

Someone's not paying attention ...

More than just a great bargain!


Come on ... someone fell for it. Why not make $19.95?



"And my child is going to come out deformed because these gosh darned jackhammers!" I can't think about this right now... it's giving me a headache. I need another cigarette.



You know I can't pass up a great deal!